We Broke Up

… but I’m better off

This year ((2020)), has been one of the best years of my life. Does that sound like a super strange thing to say, given the current “circumstances”? Well let me assure you that January 1st of this ‘strangest year ever’, God had plans for my family’s life that I would have never even fathomed. I started listening to Him. And I don’t mean just what I’d been doing for the other thirty-some years of my life. I surrendered self and truly started following his gentle nudges in humble obedience.

So what does all of that have to do with a breakup? Everything!! In fact, over the course of the past twelve months, I’ve experienced ten different breakups and I have never been happier. Keep reading to find out more.

1.) Disney… there, I said it. Right out of the gate, numero uno. Even before this viral media masterpiece occurred in early spring, I felt the Lord pulling me to purge all things Disney related. Does that seem extreme? Probably. It did to me at first, but then it happened… I snuggled up with my babies and popped on our new (free) Disney Plus subscription and next thing I knew there was a creepy guy doing voo-doo black magic on our television!! I looked over and saw six wide eyes lit up in fear. My momma heart shattered. How did I think that filling a few hours up with this mess was ok? I heard that echo in my heart again as I turned it straight off. Our family guidebook (aka- the Holy Bible), implores us to guard our hearts and to raise the kids up the way they should go. I’m paraphrasing here but the gist is that God calls us to be set apart. He calls us to stand out like a sore thumbs sometimes, even when it’s unpopular. So I ripped the Disney band-aid off just like that. All the books, toys, clothes, movies and shoes representing that mousy mogul were donated promptly. Oh and that free app, deleted. That, my friends… was just the beginning.

2.) Toxic Time management. This was a long time coming. Much like an abusive relationship, mismanaged time can leave behind serious hurt and scars on a person. Time is our only non-renewable resource. Once spent, we can’t earn more, we can’t get a refund if we ship it back… it’s gone, forever. So once and for all, I threw away my yearly planner. I got a weekly one and simply left it blank! I slowly added things back in like meals planned and work days. But responding with a firm “NO” to most everything in my life was the best thing I’d done for a very long time. I let go of the overcommitted version of me. Saying yes should be a genuine thing. And I’ll admit, mine was rarely authentic because I heard God whispering to me “Be Still, know that I am God and that you.. are not.” Oh man, those of you who know what it’s like to be the queen of yes, know exactly how it feels to suddenly be burning with a toxic combination of stress, burnout and bitterness. So yes, I broke up with cramming my days full of all the things, and came out free.

3.) Wal-Mart. While many of you will read these and wonder if I’m even sane at all, some of you might just start creating your own list of “break-up worthy” places and situations, too. Back to Wally World… once I knew what I knew about who they gave a bunch of their money to, I had to start questioning their integrity. Yet I still drove up to that handy-dandy grocery pick up line every week. Then I learned a bit more. Plus small businesses started getting hit big time. Yet amazingly, wal-mart was thriving, hiring tons of employees and seemingly continuing unscathed through it all. God’s word calls us to keep our lives free from the love of money. And we should vote with our dollar. So I was going to this store, fully informed of all the ickiness and still funding its agenda. No more. I stopped, cold turkey, and haven’t supported them since. Starbucks- one in the same. Support local!

4.) Netflix…. now in full transparency, we gave this up several years ago after I learned that they have totally different morals than us (look up who they contribute to) and that most of what they stream is very disrespectful and inappropriate… surely it does not honor God in any way. So it wasn’t technically 2020 that we broke up with the biggest streaming monstrosity on the planet, but this year I’ve actually worked pretty hard to share our story with anyone who will listen and I have successfully helped several friends take the leap and get off of it for good. So I’m the break-up Cupid, if that were a thing. Check out the documentary “Captivated” on Pureflix for more in-depth information!

5.) Social Media- maybe this one should have been first. Or come to think of it, maybe scrolling this far down into this post is a good reminder of how truly wasteful social media platforms can be. A couple years ago I was amongst 20-30 like-minded people and saw them all on their phones (guilty, I had been doing the same just earlier that evening) and I just wanted to scream out loud “stop scrolling!You’re wasting your life!” I didn’t, but I felt that day a huge pull to get rid of social media in my life. But I did not. I gave in to all the same lies that seem to grab others.. “oh I need it for my business.” or “I’ll just go on here and there” or “I love seeing pictures” so I can justify it. No. It becomes an addiction, and not only is it easy to fulfill the high, it’s encouraged vehemently by the majority of the population. Think about it- the last time you clicked that “fakebook” app or scrolled your “envygram” account, what did you accomplish? Were you there to create, generate, or to consume? It’s been eight months and I can officially say that I don’t miss it. I loathe even thinking of how much time, worry and joy was spent perusing those apps. How on Earth do we think it is our duty to fund Zuckerberg with our money, identity, time, and freedom? I’ll admit, this was one of the hardest break-ups for me because I got so much pushback for it. But anything in life worth NOT having, is worth fighting against. Our sword is Gods word and it’s our weapon again the enemy’s plot to destroy families. So friends, do not conform to the ways of this socially-driven, comparing, chastising, condemnation-filled world. But instead, be transformed by the renewing of your mind, your home, the salvation of your family, and the protection of your peace. Pick up the phone, write a letter, offer to buy your friend coffee. Life is short!! Look up, stop scrolling.

6.) Dollar Stores. Oh boy… those who know me know that I am a sucker for a good deal. I’m the girl who can make twenty dollars stretch forever. Having been raised by two handy yet frugal parents, I had an affinity for getting things cheap. But lately, I’ve become “woke” about the real price we as Americans pay to buy things “Made in China” and I won’t stand for it anymore. Sure, I miss being able to get just about anything for a dollar. It was convenient! And the American made stuff is an investment I wasn’t used to making. But if we don’t rise up as a country and stop funding the problem, we can’t fulfill what our founding fathers had in mind for us. And politics aside… all that junk we got for “only a dollar” piles up in a wasteland after breaking within twenty four hours! This was the easiest of all the breakups because I have a favorite thrift store nearby that has just about anything I need. Or I make it. Bye-bye mass produced cheap plastic junk! Hello quality, American made goods.

7.) Google. Have you ever had a conversation with someone and then later that day you’re overwhelmed by advertisements for that same folding rocking chair you were just talking about? Ever have something in your shopping cart online and change your mind, only to have that pop up in your internet browser? Ever try to “google” something like vaccination ingredients or homeschool statistics only to come up with nothing? And have you ever been astounded by how Google just knows exactly which search results you “need”? Let’s take a moment here to step back and breathe. This is a computer we’re talking about, how could it possibly know what you want? I urge you, friends, to break up with Google. It’s so censored that you basically can’t truly research much of anything. Find an alternative such as DuckDuckGo or even (gasp) go to the library and read a book! I know this probably sounds sarcastic here but know my heart… this is exactly what I had to tell myself when I finally felt called to make the switch! John 8:32 says truth sets you free. Jesus is truth, and His word truly sets us free. I’m so grateful we were given free will! And I’m so utterly thrilled to live in freedom in my soul and in my country. Help fight censorship, identity fraud and more by making a simple browser switch!

8.) My Job. Oh goodness this is where I have to tread lightly. I know this year has brought much turbulence to many. I know that America has experienced more unnecessary unemployment than ever before. I wholly understand that it’s been rough for many and I pray God brings it all back, to His glory, for His people. All that said, I had to stop working back in March. I had all intentions of returning after delivering my baby boy. However an unexpected, unprecedented policy change was just the push I needed to finally obey what God had been sternly telling me since 2006. 14 years of disobedience, and I ended up realizing He was right all along (spoiler alert- His plans never fail us). Coupled with the fact that I couldn’t bear going back to work and leaving my babies, the whole C-virus thing, and this new policy enforcement, I resigned. And then I promptly declared myself “retired.” After 18 years in healthcare, I’d had enough. I’d heard and seen enough to know that God had a different calling on my life. So this break-up had been sudden and unexpected, yet completely “in the books” the whole time. Thank you Lord for grace, and for the discernment to know when enough is enough. Thank you for the career change I never knew I so desperately needed.

9.) Amazon. Yes you read that correctly. Amazon. The vortex of materialism that was sucking our bank accounts dry. I haven’t done much research (nor do I believe there’s any to be found), but I’d venture to say that Amazon is the second if not first place universal addiction in America, maybe even the world. We are addicted to now, new and “need” in our current world. Everything can be on our doorstep tomorrow, whether it’s really necessary or not. It can be ours right now, for next to nothing and without even a thought. I was so caught up. I thought oooh let me check amazon and see if it’s cheaper. I often pulled up the app right there in a smaller brick and mortar store and bought it from the Amazon monster while holding that very item in my hands. All to “save” a little money. Looking back (and adding up my total yearly expenditures) I don’t think any pennies were saved. You pay yearly for freaky fast shipping which just fuels the need for more and more. I’d actually forgotten what it was like to have to wait for something. As with many of the other breakups, the final straw was learning of the behind-the-scenes agenda of the company and all they seek to represent. As for me, and my house… we will serve, represent and honor the Lord. It’s been a few weeks now and to be frank, I still find myself peeking through the front door expecting to see that infamous witty half-grin printed on a box or envelope. But the less is more mentality that lies so deeply in my heart, is easier to keep at the forefront when junk isn’t being shipped with a click of a button. I encourage you to add up how much you’ve spent on amazon. I even calculated the percentage of the total that represented things I’d already thrown away or donated. What a mess it had become. Patience is a lost art nowadays because our “convenient” lifestyle affords the instantaneous results we crave. What if we weren’t addicted to the next, new thing? What if we simply became content with what we already had? I’m on my way, gracefully.

10.) My mask. No not that kind of mask, geez. Ok honestly that kind too. But that’s for an entirely different post. I’m referring to the mask I’d put on for so long. The one with the fake smile and the “I’m fine” eyes. This mask was the one I always pulled on when life got super messy or overbooked or just plain out hard. Those around me got the memo that I was tough and didn’t need help. I had the mask on so long I’d forgotten what transparency looked and felt like. The proverbs 31 woman was in there, but I was trying to be someone I’d seen on social media. I was putting up this front so people wouldn’t get in. They can’t see me waver or quit or (Lord forbid) ask for any help. But God proverbially and physically ripped that mask off this year. And man, if I’ve never needed a breakup more than this one! I can breathe now. In… and out. People see my face- the real one. My expression is a true and genuine one. I’m no longer ashamed of my crooked smile or my broken nose or my discolored front tooth. When He removed that mask, I started being proud of who He called me to be. The veil of vanity, the insecurities of insufficiency, and the wounds of my past were thrown away right along with that face covering. I’m no longer masking anything about me. I’m not ashamed of who I believe in or where I worship Him. Open the eyes of my heart, Lord. Remove all barriers to the mark I am called to leave on this world when I go. Lead me to your still water, break my heart for what breaks yours and allow me to lead others to the cross. And if all of that requires more breakups next year, bring it on 2021…