“Love the one you’re with- a lesson in contentment

Man the Lord taught me a huge lesson in contentment this past year.

So in 2012 I bought a Sienna minivan while pregnant with my first son. I traded in the sweet little paid-off red Corolla I bought when I was 17, and totally embraced the mom car life. It was a bit emotional as I had worked so hard to pay that car off and it was the best on gas mileage. But I knew I wanted my baby to be safe.

In 2015, with 2 babies in the van, I was stopped at a red light minding my own when a lady plowed into the back of us going about 45mph. The van went from a stop to the middle median of the busiest state road around us. God moved every other car in those 4 lanes of traffic. He spared us the disaster that would have been a high speed impact. Both my babies were crying and I knew they were safe. The ambulance driver was in awe, so I told him the Lord did it. I had some bulging discs and couldn’t lift more than 2 pounds for 2 months which made lifting the baby to nurse him impossible, so we hired a nanny for that purpose.

Van- totalled

My two babies- safe

Me- healed shoulder and neck after a year or so of physical therapy

Once that one was gone, I went back to the same dealer who sold me my Corolla and sienna and they gave me the trade in value of my old van EVEN though it was in the wrecking yard. Blessing

Enter Sienna number 2.

I drove the mess out of this one. We went everywhere we could on my days off. I’d since had two more babies and the van had a long 6 year course. It was almost paid off. Finally!

Last spring, in the middle of a move, I was stopped with a turn signal on, minding me own. I’d been at a stop for several minutes, waiting for the road to be completely clear prior to turning onto the blueberry farm road. I drive like a grandma and I’m totally ok with it. Without warning, our van was propelling forward. We’d been hit from behind (again) but this time the guy was going about 75mph and didn’t even see us. He was smoking a joint and watching videos on YouTube. (His words).

We ended up nearly a hundred feet ahead (or more idk) despite my foot being firmly on the brake. My ears were ringing so badly I questioned whether I lost consciousness. Thank the Lord I have so much medical training and experience. He gave me calm. The adrenaline pumped through my veins as I turned around to see my once-napping children now wide eyed and frightened. I saw the shattered back window. I saw the cuts in their necks from their harnesses. I saw the hatch inches from my sons headrest. I wanted to sob. But I snapped into trauma mode and started “working.” Once 911 was on the way, I got out of the van and while trying not to pass out, walked around the vehicle. That’s when I saw that the gas tank was hanging out, mangled and on the ground. My first thought was fire. Just as I got back in the car, I realized neither of the sliding doors were going to work. So I rolled down the window. Just then, I saw some familiar faced men walking up. I handed kids out the window to them. And I held it together as I reported what happened, as unemotionally as I would have if they were my patients. When it came to the baby, who hadn’t even had his 1st birthday party yet, I looked at him and just lost it. We almost didn’t have him. It took three years for my body to sustain his pregnancy after so many losses. Yet here he was cocooned by his car seat wondering why I wasn’t holding him. I kissed him and handed him to the medic. I (just so happened) to know him, thank you Jesus.

I knew right away something was really messed up with my leg. I couldn’t feel it at all and it felt like my head was going to pop off. They checked our vitals and encouraged us to go to the hospital but I declined. I just wanted to be home- which wasn’t even really our home anymore as it was under contract to be sold.

The next several months would prove to be some of the hardest I’ve ever had to endure. The pain some days was absolutely unbearable to where I felt I’d black out. The numbness was even worse because it meant something was really wrong. Over the course of this past year, I’ve had MRIs, physical therapy, and was told by a neurosurgeon that one of the ruptured areas of my spine is so bad but he can’t operate on it because it’s too risky.

So here’s where the Lord provided-

In may of 2021 there were no rental cars. There were no used cars. I needed one as we were in the middle of a move. I’d been shopping for a huge bus because I was convinced we’d “win” in a future wreck. My dear friend came over one day to help me pack and then she left, calling out her British “buh-byeee” I came to love so much.

Later on I went out to the driveway and her car was there. I was so confused at first because it’d been some time since her departure. Then it hit me- she knew I’d say no if she offered me her gorgeous platinum Armada. She knew I had four small kids and would be hauling 15 years worth of stuff to and fro. She knew she’d likely not get it back in the same shape it was in. But she did it anyway. That sneaky lady blessed us in a way I would have never let her.

It was just what we needed and as I awaited delivery of the “bus” it provided transportation to all the Chiro and radiology appointments. It got us to the attorneys office several times. We even had a couple good memories in it too. The “bus” arrived and when I went to go look at it in person, I realized I did not like it at all. Whoops. After some nasty faces and tight-lipped words from the manager, I was out of that dealership without a vehicle but content with that. It dawned on me later that my Toyota Sienna saved our lives. Not once but twice. It was perfect for our family. So I went back to that same “good old boy” dealership here in town and they once again gave me a huge discount despite my trade-in being non-existent.

This van is red- reminiscent of that original little sporty car I owned as a teenager. It drives so well and checked all the boxes- low miles, leather seats, CD player and enough room for all the kids. The Lord is so good all the time.

Even when we don’t see it, He is providing for us. Even when our attitude is garbage, He forgives us. Even when our contentment button is broken, He gives grace.

The past year, as we settled into the homestead life the opposite of slowly, I’ve needed to use my van for some very interesting things. It’s been a feed hauler, a duck hospital, a chicken transporter, a thrift-store aftermath cargo van, and most importantly, safe. I hate that I’m having to have payments again when mine was nearly paid off but I’m blessed nonetheless!

Last week, I was at the weekly farmers market and I had to leave my normal cooler, wagon, and eggs for trade at home because the second stop I’d make was to our local feed supply store. Every animal on our homestead needed food. While I didn’t even make it by there that day due to a case of the “hangries,” it sparked an idea in my head.

Here’s what my fleshy human mind sounded like

“This vehicle isn’t big enough. With the third row up I don’t have enough room to do everything I want to do. I’m so greatly inconvenienced by the fact that I’d have to make two trips that I think I’d rather sell this and get an suv”

Crazy how the enemy can just sneak in. Admittedly, this was one of the busiest weeks we’ve ever had as our grand opening party was coming up and the preparation required around the clock commitment. But that’s no excuse. We hadn’t been doing our devotions. I hadn’t spent the time in the Word I should have. And like an unarmored soldier, I was vulnerable to the attack. I became discontent, jealous even. I was on a mission to find a bigger vehicle and no one could stop me. Lord bless my soul.

As I walked up to this new dealership (foreign because I’d only ever used one my entire adulthood), I was on the phone with a friend, telling her this conundrum and she said she’d pray and reminded me of a few plus sides to the van life.

I walked up to that SUV and I knew. I’d had this feeling before. It was the guilt. It was the discerning Holy Spirit- induced wave of NO I’d encountered before so many times in life. I actually chuckled as I compared the cargo space in mine versus that one.

THREE inches. That’s it. That is all the difference in cargo room behind the third row. Then my contentment button came unstuck and I mashed it like I was the winner of the price is right or something. No thank you, I’ll stick with what I have. “Buh-byyyeee”

That night I prayed and thanked the Lord ( and my dad and my husband) for saving me from myself. I researched how to get more space in a Sienna and lo and behold, a simple seat re-configuration was just the ticket. So that next morning I made the swap and went right to testing it all out. Kids, feed, random farm animals, dressers, check. Weekly market runs? Check. Thank you Lord for never giving up on me. On us. Your mercies truly are new every morning.