Starting Over
As I write this, the clock is just about to strike midnight, closing the last day of my 34th year here on earth. How does time pass by so very slowly yet strikingly fast all at once? I have to say, this past year has been like the biggest “renovation” I’ve ever lived through. Like sandpaper to a painted surface, my final year of the “early thirties” era has revealed my true self. Layers of paint covered up the beauty of that untreated, raw wood. It truly has been like starting over.
It’s Too Late
The guilt was so heavy I had to turn my body around and cover my face with my hands. The memory is so vivid I almost re-live it real time when I recall it. Hearing him cry, knowing he was being forcefully held down and “shot” was excruciating. We knew. We had done our research, we had made our decision, and yet somehow we still ended up right where we didn’t want to be.
Even When it Hurts Like Hell
Everyone’s journey to motherhood looks different. It is our unique story that only we can own. Mine looks hard. It is messy. But in the end, it was victorious.
In December 2011, after a few years of marriage, we decided it was time to start “trying” to have a baby. We were both so ready, having waited until the timing was “just right.” I stopped the hormonal birth control I’d been on since High School and we just jumped right in, even after I asked my doctor if we should wait and he said absolutely not.
Speak Life
We, as grown-ups, have the unique “ability” to speak death into situations. Before you wriggle your nose up in disagreement, hear me out. Have you ever heard your kid say something like “I never pick fights with my brother” or “I’m the prettiest princess in the whole world” or “I won’t do that ever ever EVER again, mommy.” And we immediately doubt what they’re saying. Because of past experiences with them. our own life’s woes, and our “realistic” adult view of life, we tell them its not the truth, or we water it down for them. Or we even try to explain why that isn’t true by reminding them of the time they hit their brother just five minutes before, or how miss “princess” marked all over herself with permanent marker and then proceeded to stick her tongue out at you with a stink face on.
Off to the cupboard with you, Chip
This is for those parents who have ever had to put their child in time-out for a minute just to cool down! I mean for the parent to cool down. Im sure I am not alone in this. Parenting can be downright hard when you have some extraneous stressor in your life. I have been dealing with some things outside of my inner circle lately (my husband and our kids) and it was all getting to the best of my emotions! I would have to put my kids in “time-out” for a few just so I could cry alone a minute or take a few deep breaths. It wasn’t the fact they left their cup on the couch, it was that my mind was really trying to handle things outside of them. Like work, extended family, finances, etc!
The First Step
In life it seems there is always a beginning and an end. Before something starts, it isn’t. Yet once it does, it is as though it’s always been that way. When a first date transformed into a first kiss which led to our first dance, I knew life with him had been blessed.
Six years ago, my motherhood journey began. Sheer elation consumed us, as we started to dream and plan and imagine what this tiny human would be like.